This is what I think I know about death
Although I don't know for sure
Death was something I never really thought of much but when I did, it was deep, much deeper than one might imagine.
It wasn’t uncommon for me to see a recent or near recent photo or video of a group of people where my first thought was, “how many of these people are now dead?” I wanted to know the faces of the people who passed on. I wanted to know about them. Who they were and what kind of lives they lived. I wanted to know exactly how their existence influenced the world around them. And like most of us, I wanted to know where they are now. Are they in the afterlife? Or a void?
These are not typical conversations one might have with a child, so I never told anyone about my thoughts. Yes! These were questions that I’ve been pondering for quite some time, and from a very young age. Maybe it was because death was not an immediate part of my life until more recently that is. We didn’t talk about it in my family. Growing up in a Christian household, all I knew was that following death, you are judged and then sent to heaven or hell.
The first time a close family member of mine passed away was in 2007. I had just graduated from college and had just started working as a science teacher. Before that, I knew of people who passed including classmates, family friends, etc, but nobody in my immediate relationships. The first funeral I attended was the grandfather of a cousin. I was probably about 6 years old at the time. I remember how heavy and solemn the day felt. As I was a deeply feeling child, I recall feeling how everyone else felt. And so, I mirrored their sadness even though I was too young to fully understand the situation.
Being so removed from death prior to 2007, I wondered if death was really possible. It was something that happened to other people. Was it even real? Was life even real?
After my grandfather passed, death felt like the uninvited guest. I wasn’t prepared for it, nobody in my family was. My grandparents had seven children together, many of whom had children. My family was large and we were all caught off guard by his sudden illness and death. I took it especially hard as I never had the opportunity to say goodbye to him during his last few weeks on Earth. I thought we had more time. And to be honest, I didn’t think death could be this close.
Although I had been introduced to death, I wasn’t ready to fully invite it in. I was very removed from it and I wanted it to stay that way.
I was able to keep it at a distance for some time, again, pondering my usual thoughts about dead people and the influence they had on the world. Death, however, had other ideas and wanted to be on friendlier terms. I started to have dreams about death, specifically about people who died or about people in my life dying. It was disturbing enough that I begged my subconscious mind to make it stop. I’d heard of people who can “communicate with the other side,” but that was BS. Right? And even if it wasn’t, this is NOT for me. No, thank you!
Christmas 2021, my vibrant, big gray kitty became ill. For the next 13 months, death moved in, and we became close. I cared for my suddenly elder cat, each day wondering if today would be the day. I felt his spirit dwindling, his light growing less bright with each passing day. But he held on. The thing with a dying body is it tries so hard to survive, it can take some time to let go. Ironically, I felt more connected to my kitty than I’d ever been before. I even knew when he was going to have a seizure before it happened. In the last days of his life, I knew he was ready to go. His spirit had mostly left his body, I just knew it was time to let him go.
I was fortunate to be able to hold him, in our safe space at home the moment he transitioned. His spirit was dim, but he was still there. I felt when his spirit left his body. What I held, until we buried him in our yard, was an empty shell. He was no longer attached to his body. It became very clear to me that the body was just the vehicle.
After this experience, I was able to get a better sense of how significantly a life influences the lives of others and the world around them. I recognized that no matter how small the life, how insignificant the experience, every life experience plays a major role in the world around us. My life (and every other life) suddenly felt more meaningful.
A few months later, my grandmother the woman who raised me during my most formative years, the widow of my grandfather, approached the edge of her life experience. This time, I was prepared, as death and I grew to be more friendly.
I had said my in-person goodbye the previous year. I grieved her loss before she was even gone as I could feel that even though we were miles apart, her spirit had begun to separate from her body. Because she was between worlds and dimensions, I felt I could connect with her even better, just as I did with my kitty. When I received the phone call the night she passed, I already knew. Actually, I was relieved. She was finally free from her deteriorating mind and body.
When I did get to see her body, the day before her celebration of life, she wasn’t there. The soul I was able to connect with before her passing, was not in the body I knew so well. It felt strange to me even. It just wasn’t her.
A few months after my grandmother's passing, a very close friend of mine, just a few years older than me, suddenly passed away. I took it very hard, but I knew how to grieve. And so I did. As I got to know death and opened myself to the possibility of life being more than this, I connected with things beyond this life.
I began to ask questions. And to my surprise, answers were given. Some of those answers came from listening to near-death experiences (NDEs). Some came from reading books on hypnosis and past life regressions. But many came from my intuition, dreams, synchronicities, and universal downloads.
I know! I wasn’t sure if I believed in any of these things either. But you would find it impossible to deny the things I have learned or experienced in the last year, too. You would be quite convinced.
Today, my perspectives on death are very different. Although I still have some questions, I have more answers than I did before. I have answers because I leaned into the unknown and the uncomfortable.
None of this is meant to change how you feel about life (and death). You have to come to your own conclusions. I’m simply sharing because maybe something here resonates with you. If so, this is your sign.
In summary, here is what death has taught me:
Death is not real, it is the end of one experience and the start of another.
Reincarnation is real. Each life is an opportunity for personal and universal growth.
Life is an experience, like a show, and we are playing the role of the main character.
Our body is the vehicle that our soul utilizes to physically experience the world.
If you are reading this, my life is forever altered because you are in it. That’s how significant your life is.
A smile or kind gesture can make all the difference to someone.
Earth school (this world) is only 1 of many schools (worlds).
The ultimate knowing for me will be my own death. If I am lucky to see it coming, I can only hope to look back and say that I lived a full, meaningful life. Until then, I appreciate every day I am here, laugh often, love deeply, and show up fully to my life…at least as best as I can.
And if I fail to fulfill any mission or experience in this life, I’ll get it in the next one, or the next.
Here are some books that helped me feel more comfortable with these ideas:
Of Water and the Spirit by Malidoma Patrice Some
Journey of Souls by Michael Newton
P.S. So what are your thoughts about life and death?